Ease
by paixnouvelle
Summary: Annie Walker has made it back to American soil, but will regaining her life come with ease? [Disclaimer: every character, spare a future OC character, is owned by Covert Affairs]
1. Chapter 1

"_Does it matter?"_

"_It always matters."_

How true that last piece of dialogue was before Annie Walker shot Henry Wilcox in that deserted alley in Kowloon. _Everything _mattered. Every piece of intel exchanged between the two since their meet at Vesta, every meeting to determine what the next move would be, every looming threat of one's demise… _It all mattered._

And now, Annie has to determine how it all matters to her future, both as a spy and a human being.

* * *

"See you when you get back to D.C." Auggie said as he hung up the call.

Once again, Annie was left alone with her thoughts. It was not her favourite place to be for quite some time, especially now, with the recurring stream of consciousness involving her emptying two bullets into the chest of Henry Wilcox. She couldn't get the image out of her head: his limp body on the cold ground of the alley, the two holes in his chest bleeding out a little more with each passing second, and how she carefully stepped over him on her journey away from the scene. All the thoughts running through her mind at that moment would also constantly replay: _Do I kill him? Will this bring justice? Does he really deserve this? Would this be considered shooting in cold blood?_

She remembered some time ago, on her mission to bring Lena Smith to justice, how she had shot Lena in cold blood. She could've been brought to justice, but no, Annie chose the easy way out. And now, with the Wilcox incident, she saw Lena. Henry Wilcox was just another Lena Smith. And Annie made the same decisions, almost seen as mistakes, with Henry.

Except now, she was different. Her decision to shoot Lena seemed more like smacking a mosquito off her arm when compared to shooting Henry. It was life-changing.

Her half-day sail to her transportation to D.C. felt more like a half-year sail by the time she stepped off the boat, into a car, then from the car to a private plane. She remembered the last time she was on a plane like the one she was on: she had flown with Calder Michaels and Auggie to Hong Kong to bring Henry to justice. But this time, she was alone.

Speaking of Auggie and being alone, she couldn't help but think of, once again, what Auggie had been through since she went dark. She knew that he didn't want her to do this, that her "audacious gambit", as the late Henry Wilcox had put it, might have meant she would never come back. And that was partially true. The old Annie Walker was dead and gone. The woman who saw the good in everybody, the woman who had been burned in love but still remained strong, the woman who was sweet and unafraid, was _gone_. The Annie Walker who was on a lonely flight back to D.C. was cold, afraid, and alone. And if Henry hadn't eliminated Helen Hanson off the game-board, she knew Auggie wouldn't be alone. Or at least, would have somebody who wasn't totally damaged to run to and be comforted by.

She immediately felt inadequate. Auggie needed someone to push him to be his best, and now, she felt like even being _near_ him would only pull him down, away from his potential. Yet that lilt in his voice, that warm smile she could feel through the phone call, still drew her to him. But she didn't want to be drawn to him, especially not in a romantic sense. It would only end in brokenness, or so she convinced herself.

And on that flight back to D.C., she convinced herself to believe a lot of things.

* * *

"Walker, you are a sight for sore eyes." A deep voice rang out as Annie stepped off the airplane and onto the tarmac.

"Hello, sir." Annie said in a frail voice.

"You know you can call me Calder, right? We've been on that basis for a while."

"I know, sir. I'm just choosing not to." She responded.

"Okay then." Calder replied, a bit confused by Annie's formality. "Well, I've been assigned the task of getting you to Langley for debriefing. Enjoy the ride there, because you've got a lot to debrief on."

"Yes, sir." She quickly replied as she followed him to the CIA-issued vehicle.

* * *

The process of going through the front gate, through security, and to her old department seemed familiar and absolutely foreign at the same time. The more hallways she walked through and offices she passed, the more eyes seemed to be attached to her. Her existence, of course, was familiar to everybody, and to have that existence come back from the dead, with an extraordinary mission completed, left everyone in shock.

When she entered the Domestic Protection Division, everyone fell to a level of silence that you could hear a pin drop in. And to the one with an exceptional level of hearing to make up for his not-exceptional eyesight, this was noticed instantly.

"Hey, what just happened?" Auggie asked a random operative as he walked into the department.

"I thought… I thought she was _dead._" The operative mumbled back in reply.

Mumbles of the same nature spread across the bullpen like wildfire as the supposedly dead operative was led to debriefing. As soon as she seemed to be out of earshot, those mumbles raised in volume, everyone trying to piece together what they had just saw with what had supposedly happened in the past.

As Auggie walked into Tech Ops, he could hear those same mumbles come from his other tech colleagues.

"Barber, can you tell me if a dark-haired woman was just being led through the department?" He asked.

"Boss, didn't Annie die? Does she like, have a secret twin or something?" Barber asked in reply.

"Ah, so she's back in the States." Auggie smiled as he sat down at his desk. "And I can definitely deny the existence of an Annie Walker look-alike. The real deal just walked through our very midst."

"So she's alive? Did you know? When were you gonna te-"

"Barber, we work for a place full of secrets. Some stuff just can't be told. All I'll say for now is that yes, I did know. Also, let me know when she's out of debriefing."

"Yes, sir." Barber responded as he returned to his work, absolutely awestruck by the breaking news.

* * *

After the endless hours in debriefing, Annie was finally released. She would have loved to feel liberated, but instead, felt more weight upon her shoulders. She could tell by everyone's reactions that it was a shock, but she could feel hints of disappointment everywhere. In a place full of secrets, she felt like this one secret, the secret of her livelihood, should not have been kept. She had lied to everyone in her former department, to everyone on that floor, to everyone in the entire building, and she felt horrid for it.

But before she left the building to be wherever she would end up for residence, she needed something to consume that didn't taste vaguely of service-grade food.

She walked up to the small coffee stand and placed her old order, welcoming at least that part of the old Annie. But as she reached to pay for her drink, a familiar voice came up behind her.

"Hmm, the scent of Hong Kong and annoyance of being stuck in debriefing for an eternity. If I'm not mistaken, that must be Annie Walker." Auggie quipped as he walked up behind her, reaching over to pay for her drink before she remembered to pay.

"Auggie, how did you know I'd be here?" She asked, slightly shocked.

"I assumed that you wanted something other than service-grade coffee, and that you haven't had a chance to stop for anything yet, even a breath," He chuckled lightly, "so I took my chances. I just followed the sound of silence."

"Oh." Annie muttered dejectedly.

"Hey, Walker. You're gonna make it through." He said soothingly, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I promise."

"I doubt it." She whispered. "Hey, do you happen to know where I'm gonna end up living?"

"They're setting you back up at your old apartment. It was the first place that seemed logical to help you. Something about familiarity."

"Great." She muttered, a bit angry about being forced to go somewhere familiar.

"Also, Joan and Arthur still want you to meet little Mackenzie. If you want, I can have car service run by your place on my way to the hospital tonight and we can ride together."

_Together_, she thought. _Who would want to be with me? Why would anyone do that of their own choice right now? Why?_

"Earth to Walker." He said, jolting her out of her lonely train of thought.

"Oh, um… I don't know. I-"

"I understand if you want to be alone. You've gone through hell in the past couple days."

_But I don't want to be alone!_ She thought to herself. _I want to be around people, especially you!_

She scolded herself internally at her contradicting desires. Just as if the universe knew she needed a diversion, the barista tapped her arm to give her coffee to her.

"Oh, my coffee's ready. I have to go now." She rambled off quickly as she grabbed her coffee and walked away quickly before Auggie could catch up.

He wanted to say something to her before she got completely out of hearing range, but she walked too quickly. He stood there, slightly bewildered by her abrupt exit. Although he wished she was staying for a bit longer, he slightly understood what she was going through internally. So he walked back to the DPD with a smile on his face, thinking to himself, _"Welcome home, Walker."_


	2. Chapter 2

She was greeted as a hero, as a patriot for her cause. Someone would always clap for her or pat her on the back or offer to buy her coffee as she prepared to leave Langley after another day of debriefing or trying to reorganise her life to resemble what she used to have, if only a slight similarity.

But she didn't feel like a hero.

She felt like a cold soul, a murderer.

The worst part was that nobody seemed to understand how she felt. They tried to force the idea that _she was a hero_, that she should feel great for her service to the Agency.

All she wanted to do was scream in their faces, tell them that she could've done it all differently. Hell, she should've never even gone to Vesta that night. That could've saved her so much in her life. Arthur wouldn't have had to deal with the fallout of a resignation from the Agency that _Henry called_. She could've led a happy-ever-after with Auggie. Little Mackenzie Campbell wouldn't have had to be born at the end of an all-out war of allegiances.

Speaking of which, Annie figured she should stop by Georgetown Memorial Hospital and pay the youngest Campbell and his mother a visit. So she pulled on her nicest black ensemble, a trenchcoat, and left her apartment.

"Mrs. Campbell, you have a visitor." The young nurse said as she peeked her head in the room.

"Well, send them in." Joan said with a soft smile. She seemed surprised as Annie walked in, since she was expecting Auggie.

"Annie, what a lovely surprise." She stated as the brunette walked in. "How have you been?"

"I've been better, ma'am."

"Annie, please. We're all on a first-name basis here. No need for formalities."

"Sorry, ma'am." Annie whispered as she sat down on a stiff hospital chair.

"Are you feeling alright?" Joan asked, concerned about her former operative.

"If I said yes, I'd be lying to you, and I don't believe that'd be the right thing to do."

"Then don't lie. Tell me what's been bothering you. But first, would you like to hold Mackenzie? He seems very eager to meet you." Joan laughed lightly as she handed to infant to Annie, who took him with a careful hold.

Mackenzie seemed truly comfortable in Annie's grasp, his coos quiet and his tiny fists barely flailing around. His warm brown eyes looked comfortably into Annie's cold eyes, and she saw everything she used to be.

Warm.

Hopeful.

Secure.

Innocent.

Whole.

She could feel her heart breaking all over again, her downfall sadly being the look from a child's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Joan. I can't do this." Annie mumbled as she quickly returned Mackenzie to Joan and dashed out of the room. She ran down the hallway, trying to hold back her tears. She managed to make it to the elevator and almost made a lonely getaway until she accidentally ran into Auggie, who was just exiting the elevator.

"Well, miss Walker. What a pleasure to see you. Figuratively, of course." He quipped, knowing her life was in need of a joke to brighten things up.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Still that fuzzy aura. Never fails me."

"Oh. Well, I have to go." She sniffled, trying to get into the elevator, but being restrained by his arm.

"Annie, have you seen the hospital courtyard? Heard it looks lovely this time of year." He firmly stated, pulling her into the elevator and feeling around for the ground-floor button.

"So, now that you're not in the middle of debriefing and reconstruction, I have a moment to talk to you. How are you holding up?" He asked as they sat down on a polished stone bench in the courtyard.

"I'm fine."

"I'm calling bullshit, Walker. How are you holding up?" He repeated, knowing full well she wasn't fine.

"How does everyone think I'm a hero?" She whispered, almost inaudibly. "I'm anything but a hero."

"Annie, you are a hero. You took down the biggest traitor Langley has ever laid eyes on."

"That's what they've all said. Henry Wilcox is no longer a threat because of my work, and that makes me a hero. But I'm no hero, I'm no patriot. He could've finally been beginning to see the error of his ways. He could've had the chance to finally be brought to justice, but I killed him, Auggie. I killed him." She whispered, beginning to cry.

Auggie sat for a little bit in silence, processing Annie's tiny confession. After a little bit of listening to Annie faintly weep, he spoke up.

"Annie, when the whole Tikrit ordeal blew over, people called me a hero. They applauded me on the work I did, praising me for saving so many other innocent lives. But I felt exactly the opposite. I felt like a failure because I could've been faster, could've been more cunning, and saved my friends and eliminated Naasir, which we both know didn't happen then. There were so many things that I could've done but didn't, and I got congratulated for it. I felt horrible. And I would go on feeling horrible about it, and every day I'm reminded of it. It's changed me, Annie. Much like how shooting Henry changed you. I can tell it changed you every time I hear your voice or feel you walk past me or even just know you're in the same area as me.

"Things are going to be different for you from now on. You're going to see the world through a whole different lens now, and it's not always going to be pretty. But the one thing you can't do, Annie, is let it _become _you. I don't want to see you go down a path you don't deserve."

By the end of his speech, Annie was fully crying, her face buried in her palms. He had pointed out the one thing she was scared of the most: letting the darkness become her. She didn't think she would let that happen, but looking back on the few days she had been back in America, she realised it was already happening, whether she wanted it or not.

Annie continued to cry for a little bit, Auggie occasionally squeezing her hand in a small attempt to comfort her.

"How did you escape the darkness, Auggie?" Annie piped up after a while.

"Surrounded myself with people I love and the job I love. I know it sounds cheesy, but having that support system really does help. Will we treat you slightly differently because of what's happened? Probably. It's human nature. Are you going to ever be the same Annie Walker that you were before this entire chain of events was set in motion? Never. But remember, there are tougher battles and tougher trials that we all would've faced if Henry was still on the gameboard. There's no guarantee any of us would make it out alive if he was still alive. I know it seems horrible now, Annie, but you really have done a good thing. You saved lives, you've given security to families, and most of all, you're safe. You're home and you're safe, and that's all that should matter to you for now."

"Thanks, Auggie." She said, a smile gracing her lips for the first time in quite a while.

"Now, I think you need to finish your visit to baby Mackenzie. Let's go." He said as he stood up. Annie stood up not even a moment after him, and she let him take her arm as a guide.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Auggie announced pridefully as the two entered the Campbells' hospital room.

"Annie, I thought you left. What kept you here?" Joan asked.

"I ran into Auggie in the elevator. Needless to say, he convinced me to complete my visit." Annie replied, a bit more happiness in her voice than the first time she was in the room.

"Well, I'm glad you stayed. And apparently, so is Mackenzie." Joan laughed, noticing her infant's hands moving around quickly, reaching towards Annie.

"May I hold him again?" Annie asked sheepishly.

"Of course you can." Joan responded, gladly handing the child to Annie.

Joan sat back and admired the sight she was seeing. Annie had seemed so cold earlier, but whatever had happened between the time she left and the time she came back sparked something in her, and hopefully, that spark would become a flame.

And of course, anyone who Mackenzie showed affection to would be a winner in her book.


	3. Chapter 3

Annie and Auggie left the hospital a couple hours later, the former's spirits lifted to decent levels by being around the precious newborn. She had been around newborns, of course; she had been there when Katia and Chloe made their entrances into the world. But being around Mackenzie, especially with what had happened in the past few months, it was a breath of fresh air, or rather an entire breeze falling over her.

Then just as she began to feel peace, reality hit her:

_Danielle._

She breathed out the name as a prayer, although internally, it felt like she muttered a curse.

"What about Danielle?" Auggie asked as Annie turned the car around the second-to-last corner before dropping him off.

"She… God, Auggie, what about her? She thinks I'm dead."

"That's right. That'll have to be fixed, won't it?" He asked, being completely straightforward.

"Auggie, what would I tell her? Yeah, sorry, I had to fake my death and shatter your world because I was on a mission?" She angrily asked, almost screaming at him.

"Well, no. At least, not like that. But the first fact of the matter is, do you want to tell her?"

"I don't know, Aug. Either way, I'll end up dead to her. I could stay away from her and she would never be the wiser, or I could tell her and she'd never talk to me again. I set up a whole damn lie and I had to sacrifice her for what? To walk the earth like a ghost?"

"Annie, when you decided to go dark, you knew there'd be repercussions. You knew there'd be a chance you could never go back to your old life. You kne-"

"I've heard that whole speec-"

"Let me finish. You knew about all that, and you still chose to go dark. You put your life aside for the sake of others. And now the consequences, both good and bad, are facing you. Do you have the opportunity to reach out to her and Michael and the girls? Of course you do. But if you so choose to take that opportunity, you need to accept that yes, she might hate you, and she might never want to see you again, or for you to see the girls or Michael or whoever ever again. Then again, she might want to sit down and hear the logic behind your decisions.

"Think of it this way. I'm going to assume you're one of those people who actually reads the terms and conditions of like, iTunes, or whatever, before you accept them." He snickered. "You read all those terms and such, all the legal business and corporate bullshit. And you click accept after you read them, because you acknowledge what could happen if such-and-such happened. What you did is a lot like that. You knew the terms and conditions of going dark, and you accepted. Now it's time to acknowledge what could happen if you choose to do such-and-such."

"You are a complete dork, you know that?" She laughed, still reveling in his analogy.

"It's true and you know it. Now, will such-and-such be happening?"

"I don't know yet. This is a big thing to decide."

"I understand. Speaking of big things to decide, are you coming back? You know, to everything?"

"Probably. As much as this job, this life, has screwed me up, there's nothing that interests me more." She admitted, pulling up to the curb.

"I'm glad to hear that, Annie. You do know if you're coming back, you have to go through mandatory therapy and all that Agency-mandated crap?"

"Yeah, yeah. If I didn't want therapy, I wouldn't be coming back."

"Oh, you'd be getting therapy either way. I bet Joan would still watch you like a hawk and be a good momma bear." He laughed.

"You'd think with a new child, she'd soften up."

"Exactly why she'd make you go to therapy. We all want the best for you, but she has the power to make the best for you happen."

"That she does."

"And I think Calder will be happy to have you back. Chatter's been that we'll be getting a touch of young blood in the department, and by young, I mean _young._"

"How old is whoever this is?"

"Nineteen and already out of college."

"Damn." Annie said in shock. "As much as that sounds like fun, I need to decide on the Danielle situation. Who do I need to talk with if I decide to go ahead with that?"

"Calder. He'll be the one you'll talk to."

"Okay. Well, I guess I'll see around, Auggie."

"You definitely will. Top secret, but I love riding around with you more than car service, even if you tend to speed. A lot." He laughed as he opened the door. "See you, Walker."

He stepped out of the car and closed the door just as soon as Annie wanted to thank him for lending his ear, but she figured she could just do it later. Besides, she still needed to make two big decisions.

* * *

Annie walked into the DPD a couple days later, ready to make her two big decisions final. Heads still turned as she strode to Calder's office, but the craze had slightly faded, making her feel slightly more comfortable.

"I'm here to see Calder." She announced as she walked up to the interim DCS' secretary's desk.

"Of course, miss Walker. He's been expecting you." The nondescript secretary said as she opened the door to Calder's office.

"Thank you." Annie mumbled as she walked in.

"Miss Annie Walker, I hope you're coming in with good news." Calder announced as she obligatorily shook her hand. "Please, sit."

"I have two things, the first I'm sure you'll be glad to hear."

"Fire away."

"I think I'm ready to come back to work here."

"Ah, so you did come in with good news. You are aware of what that entails?"

"Yes, sir. I am aware. But I feel that the Agency, especially the DPD, is where I belong in this world, despite what I've gone through."

"I'm glad to hear that, miss Walker. I'll begin setting things up as soon as this meeting is over. So, what was the other things you wanted to talk about?"

"I need to set up things up to read in my sister as much as allowed." She muttered, still a bit afraid of what that would mean.

"Well, you're in luck. We've been keeping tabs on your family since you went dark for security reasons, and it just so happens a miss Danielle Brooks is planning a visit to the area. She should be coming in tomorrow. Every month, on the day you were reported to be dead, she comes into the area, visits your grave, and leaves."

"Oh my…" Annie breathed out. She was thankful that there wouldn't have to be any strings pulled, any trips planned, or any kind of special things to be done to read her in. "How much will I be allowed to tell her? You know, provided she doesn't storm off after seeing me out of a grave."

"I can get you that information by the end of the day. Meanwhile, just breathe. I can only imagine what this'll be like for you."

"It'll be hell, but I've gone through constant hell the past few months. I can tolerate this."

"I hope so. Meanwhile, go home and rest. I'll give you what you need to have by the end of the day."

"Yes, sir. And thank you. I'm ready to be back."

"We're all ready for you to be back, Walker."

After hours of reading over and over again what she was allowed to disclose and what was fabricated for a cover, and a night of fitful sleep, the next day came. She moved through the entire morning silently, her breakfast not as nourishing as it should've been. But she was nervous.

* * *

At about two, she arrived at the graveyard she was supposedly "buried" in. It was almost a jarring experience just to be in the cemetery, remembering bits and pieces from her last experience.

"_Look at us, two ghosts in a graveyard."_

Except this time, there would only be one ghost.

She bent down in front of her supposed plot, running her fingers over the metal plaque detailing only her last name and her life span. The metal felt cool underneath her fingers, the plaque barely dirty after being there for a few months.

She could hear footfall slowly approach her, but she chose to stay in her position, seemingly mesmerised by such a simple piece of metal.

"Did you know her, too?" A female's voice rang out into the air.

"You could say I knew her. I knew her in a past life." Annie responded, recognising the female's voice immediately as Danielle's.

"Ah. Was she like, a friend? A sister? I don't know about all that reincarnation stuff and how it works." Danielle awkwardly said.

"She was me." Annie simply stated as she stood.

"Oh, that makes a lot of nonsense."

"Danielle… She was me."

"How do you know my… Annie?" Danielle's gaze immediately fixed itself on Annie as she showed her face. "I thought… I thought you were dead."

"Let's sit." Annie said as she motioned over to a stone bench.

"How the… What the… Please tell me this is some kind of joke." Danielle stuttered, totally confused as to why her dead sister was sitting next to her.

"I can promise you that you're not hallucinating, and that this isn't a joke. The reason I'm here right now is quite serious, Danielle." Annie said sternly, trying to hold her emotions in.

"What the hell is going on? You're supposed to be in that grave!"

"There's not much I can disclose to you, and I hope you can understand it. You know my… Work is tight about what civilians know. What I can tell you is that I saved a lot of people."

"How? You're supposed to be dead!"

"As I said, I can't talk about details. But going dark was the only way to accomplish what I did. And trust me when I say this, but it has literally been the hardest thing for me to come back. I almost contemplated totally disappearing twice, but I couldn't. I almost backed out from this little meet-up, but I knew to get as much of the old me back as I can, some things had to be done."

"So you… Faked your death? You do realise how many people you've affected, right?" Danielle asked, beginning to raise her voice in such a tranquil place.

"Danielle, I realised that the moment I went dark. And I understand the consequences of all my actions. If you never again want me to interact with you, or the girls and Michael, I understand. But just know I did this for the people I love, and you guys were part of it." Annie said mournfully as she stood up and began to walk away.

"Wait, Annie." Danielle said, pausing Annie in her tracks.

"What?"

"That whole postcard, with the Venus story from when we were kids… When you did your thing, and you saw Venus, did you think of us?"

"I thought of everyone I loved and was protecting, which yes, included you and Michael and Katia and Chloe. Not a day went by that I didn't think of you four in some capacity."

"So you really did this because you loved us and wanted to protect us?"

"Yes."

"Come sit back down. I want to hear about at least what I'm allowed to hear."

Annie turned around with a smile, quickly making her way back to the bench.

* * *

The two sisters sat in the cemetery for a couple hours, discussing Annie's adventures, both real and fake. Annie felt as if things had a chance at being mended, as if things could begin returning to normal between the two.

Time felt as if it was flying past them, which became a concern of Danielle's.

"Listen, Annie… I have to go. These visits I've been doing since I thought you died, they've never been more than a couple hours. I fly here, on the ground enough to visit and maybe have coffee, and I turn right back around."

"I understand, Dani. You know I know what it's like to be rushed around."

"Yeah, you do." Danielle smiled. "Maybe the next visit I do will be longer… And I might even bring some guests."

"You'd seriously do that?" Annie asked, a bit floored by Danielle's suggestion.

"Well, I'd have to explain it to them, but I think with a little magic, I can make it work." She winked.

"Thank you, Danielle. That means a lot. Hey, do you want a ride to the airport? I have nowhere to be."

"That'd be awesome, thank you."

The ride to the airport was filled with a peaceful silence, both desperate to spend more time with the other. When they arrived, Annie followed Danielle all the way through to the terminal, not ready to part ways with her sister.

"Hey Annie, promise me you'll get in touch with me soon, okay? I don't want this to be the last time we talk for a while."

"Of course, Dani. And you're sure you'll visit?"

"The next visit would be a month from today, and I bet you I'll be working my magic."

"I'll see you then, I guess. I love you, Danielle."

"I, I… I love you too, Annie." Danielle murmured with a soft smile, enclosing Annie in one last hug before she was told to board.

As soon as Danielle was safely on board, Annie departed from the terminal, walking in total silence to her car. When she entered her car, she began to cry. However, these were happy tears. She had presumed everything would go south by the time Danielle saw her face, but she was wrong. They were on the path to recovery.


End file.
